Mommy’s Groove

There’s a little bare bum behind that proud smile. It came upon him so quickly, I might not have been to blame for missing the source. After a year of “helping” him learn what no one can truly teach, he figured it out all by himself in a flash. Who knew flush could be a sound which provoked pride?

Yes, he’s mastered his domain (not that domain), he’s the captain of his own bladder and he could not be happier. Last night a few mere days after accomplishing dry days, he announced we could throw out all the diapers because he will be dry at night too. And he was.

Now it could be that when the cat jumped on his bed and woke him up just a hour after he’d gone to sleep last night, she did him a favour or two.  First, sleepless and happy for some time with his Dad he was allowed to settle into the couch for a period of the Stanley Cup final. But he also got in an extra pee before finally bedding down for the night. Or it could be that he’s well and truly done.

What I know is that like most mothers before me, I wondered how I might help him learn this important mastery. I knew he’d get to it in his own time, but I really hoped it would be before September when he’ll start half time Montessori school. I longed to be rid of the scent of urine under his space PJs, and to cuddle him close to me without a cushy layer at my hip. More than anything I wanted him to get there!

I’m not a Mom who wants to usher her kids to the next developmental stage in most instances. In fact, in my relationship with Kate—who is ignoring me this week—I am clearly dragging my feet to her next developmental stage. I’ll know I’ve transitioned myself well when she again listens to my requests! But toilet usage is different—there are practical and functional benefits to the skill (which benefit me mostly). While he’ll feel like a big boy and proud to pee on a tree at the cottage or wake up dry—I am able to move him into a different category of care.

Right around the same time he mastered taking off his clothes off, and is quickly moving to dress himself independently. He is sometimes willing to nod-off by himself (although rarely, I admit), and is increasingly helpful around the kitchen. This is a boy who is making is way in the world now. And try as I did, I didn’t get him there any faster than he himself was willing to go. And it’s doubtful that I will ever get him anywhere faster than he is willing. And with this behind us, I hope I won’t feel the urge to “help” so strongly again.

Maria Montessori calls these growth spurts “sensitive periods”. They are helpful to remember if you’re anxious for your child to learn something new or to excel with reading or numbers or table setting. He’ll get there when he’s interested, motivated and good and ready. Then there will be no teeth gnashing, so cajoling (yes I’m guilty of that too) and no gamesmanship (haven’t you seen the bubble above your child’s head saying, “Mom do you really think I can learn to pee in the toilet for a marshmallow?”). Sadly, our school systems aren’t based on this learn-when-you’re-ready methodology. But we can be patient with our little ones when they don’t fit the schedule.

So I’ll enjoy his triumphant telling of his new skills to family and friends and forget about when he mastered it. Now if I could only figure out what new freedoms Kate needs to bring back cooperative-Kate I’d be flyin’. More on that later.

This entry was posted on Thursday, June 7th, 2007 at 7:06 am and is filed under Mothering, mothering a toddler. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.