Bring in Zen
I don’t profess to understand very much about Zen. I think it’s about being conscious and aware in this moment, now. I read Momma Zen this week, written by Mom and Buddhist Priest Karen Maezen Miller. Her writing is clear, funny and somehow peaceful given the topic!
I find myself thinking about her book in the way that you might turn over in your mind a sermon from church or the words of a motivational speaker. Except that what I take away from her book, which shares with the reader the author’s spiritual reflections on motherhood, is I need to do less.
She encourages you though her experiences to think less about how to manage your child, and more about how to manage yourself. She challenges us to take responsibility for our own actions and feelings, while letting a little more slide with the wee ones. They are after all, on their own journey of learning on the childhood-superhighway. Each day brings them new challenges to learn or master, recognition to seek and falls to experience. When you think of it, they do have very emotionally, physically and mentally full days!
I love taking time away from making a meal, or organizing my work to hear about what’s going on in the minds and hearts of my two. They always amuse me by sharing how they see the world from their vantage point, or by parroting some comment of mine of which I hadn’t been aware. I’ve learned I use the word “actually” to change course far too much!
Kate woke Michael up from his nap the other day by announcing that she’d learned to turn on her two wheel bicycle. “That’s amazing!” he sang out as he sat up from his slumber. I could feel the hit of love she got from his enthusiasm. Next, as they do after every sleep, they hugged and exchanged “I love You” words. And last week, when Michael arrived to wake Kate and me up in her bed, she shared with him that I was sleeping with her because she had growing pains in the night and I had stay to comfort her. He asked if he could put his hands on her sore leg and give her some reiki! They’re getting something right listening to one another in the moment and sharing their love.
So I’m taking Karen’s words and my kid’s example to heart and working on being gentle with myself, my husband and my children. What is, is. I want to see it, be aware of it, and fix in myself what needs fixing. But I should tread cautiously around intervening with the exploration and realizations my kids have. They should be allowed to just “be” too. No pushy explanations of food preferences from me, no over cautious play-ground parenting (although I’m pretty low on that front anyway), and no speeches about how other kids will feel when they witness that behaviour. I’m going to try to just see things for what they are, right now and not try to move them along to the next thing.
May 19th, 2007 at 7:17 pm
I hear you! And I’m so happy that you heard me. All my love, Karen.