“Getting it right”
I usually credit my Gram with instilling in me the mantra “anything worth doing is worth doing well”, but in truth this belief rans rampant in my family. I admit that this can drive unsightly perfectionist tendencies in my behaviour, but it also means that I approach most life with zeal. But there’s an extra layer for me in doing something well, and that is also “getting it right”.
I don’t think there was a single instance when, after listening to my train of thought, Dad didn’t come up with an angle I hadn’t considered fully, if at all. It often left me speechless! In those instances, hs suggestion was such a new twist that I couldn’t even talk with through in the moment, I’d have to leave and soak with it for a while before I could really wrap my brain around it. But by then the moment for discussion was gone, and I was left to decide for myself what was “right”.
Perhaps this is his influence on me—his energy. He is a quiet, considered, bright man with a reputation for integrity and community involvement. He reads extensively about many different things and retains much of it. I’ve always been amazed at his ability to talk knowledgeably on so many topics. He can do that because he’s read so broadly within an area that he gets a more complete picture than most. Where some of us might read one book on a particular topic and think we know something about it, he really studies to really get into the topic. I regard his thinking therefore as very full.
I’m not the first person to say that he’s not particularly easy to read and intensely private. I like to think of the volumes of insight and information he holds onto like some people think of the Kennedy papers. If only I could access his thoughts everything would become clear! But he’s not the kind of guy who pushes his opinions on anyone, sometimes even when one is sought. Instead of telling me what I should do, he has always listened, asked questions and offered a new angle I might not have considered. This drives me to focus on “getting it right”.
Now I’m not under any illusions that I actually do everything “right”—I can only do my best given the information I have, the biases I cherish and nurture, the fears I’m willing to acknowledge and the motives I can plainly see. But so much is hidden to me at any given moment, buried underneath my tired Mummy feelings, the unchallenged beliefs I carry from my childhood and my basic, raw desire to see my children happy, healthy and successful (whatever that is).
So it’s circular my life, like everyone else’s I’m sure. I begin by aiming to do everything well, studying and considering my options to “get it right”, only to be sure of one thing: in the fullness of time it will all appear different. And I will be too. But I’m not going to change my zeal for life and for “getting it right”. How would I be able to face my Dad?!!