Carpe Diem
It’s been a bit quiet around Mommy’s Groove recently. It’s not that I haven’t been living the groove every day — but rather that living the groove has kept me away from writing.
I admire in the thinking part my brain, women who can “multi-purpose” every day, all year long. I imagine they accomplish a great deal. I used to do that before I had kids, and I filled my days with every detail and facet of modern living. The errands go done, the latest information on nutrition and politics was digested over lunch, my work flowed as easily as my fast paced feet could move me through my day. I made and kept all the social commitments wanted and felt connected to those I love. It was very easy then.
But now that I’m grooving with two under 5 (won’t be able to say that for much longer) I have an small internal battle — in truth its not so much a battle as an awareness. At some points in time, I’m either “on” or I’m “off”. When I’m on, I’m working, thinking about work, doing my thing with the kids and their activities and play-dates, frequenting the grocery store and attending to the important points of celebration in the lives of those I love. I am as active and involved as any mother, writer, sister and friend.
But when I’m “off” the only thing that I’m into is spending time with my family. Naturally, March is a school break month and Kate’s school has 2 weeks break. So part of the first week of March was spent preparing to be away from home for 10 days, grocery shopping and wrapping up city details. When the car hit the road and I did my last minute shop on the way to our ski destination, I was “off”. I turned off the news and listened (and laughed) with my whole self to Michael tell me folk stories he learned at nursery school or to his singing of “Old MacDonald” because the farms along the road reminded him of it. I engaged him in car games to distract him from his once again, rumbling tummy. I eagerly anticipated the visit we’d have with visiting friends. The rest of the March Break was more of the same. My brain only casually ventured into work space. When it did, I made sure to take a note of my brainwave so I could be capiitalized upon when I got back to work.
There were moments when I was aware that I was missing precious time writing, thinking, moving my plan ahead. I felt a few pangs of anxiety living with my objectives frozen in time. But I didn’t so much as pick up my pen while I was away. There seemed to be no time. Every moment seemed to be spent with my kids, just being there in the Junior Kindergarten year March Break. When I wasn’t with them, I was skiing myself advancing my adult-learned skills and enjoying spring skiing with my husband. Those are rare time for adult-fun when the kids are in lessons and we are free to play together.
When I’m “off” like that, its easier to slip into the rare moments of wonder which are allowed more easily to creep in. I reviewed the message in The Secret and wondered if I am doing everything possible to achieve my goals. I wondered about the blessings in my life, how I received them, and what the future would bring. I understand the metaphor that like a car driving with head-lights in the dark, we only need to know what the road we’re on right now looks like; the rest will unfold as we move along it. I felt gratitude for the time I could spend with my kids being “off” to the usual details life brings.
There is a real freedom to escaping as I do every weekend to the country where I unplug from all the stuff which occupies me the rest of my time. I reach out to my family and friends on the weekend on some occasions, but typically I spend the time being in the moment, in the present space and time. That is an incredible luxury. Although I don’t find myself able to be completely “off” on the weekend and my work continues quietly as an undercurrent, it is still a break for reflection, feeling thankful for what I have, enjoying my family and getting outside.
I’m glad to be back “on” today, but not a bit apologetic that I missed the last few weeks in my normal groove. I won’t get that time back with the kids and I’m grateful I am able to take it with them now.