Mommy’s Groove

Perhaps I got it from my mother’s rigorous schedule for us kids, but I knew early on that my kids would be the early-to-bed, early-to-rise type. For me, the reasons lie in nature — both the human type and the environmental type. I wake up around the same time every day and want most to be in bed by 10:00 p.m. — sometimes earlier! But happily, the sun follows me, or I it, so aside from being different from the truly social-set, I never feel odd. Perhaps I’m not the best late-dinner party guest, but I’m ok with that. I shine brightest in the daylight! 

Practically speaking, I feel best able to manage when I have a good night’s rest (I know, when was that last?), good food at regular intervals and a high level of daily activity. Aren’t all humans  — young and old — alike in that way? Apparently not, I must conclude considering the having-it-your-way style some parents are using with kids these days.

As an expectant mother, I was not committed to one side of the routine vs. flexible schedule debate. I figured that everyone has to do what works for them. But the penny dropped for me when I became a mother responsible for creating confidence, building trust, and helping my daughter get the most out of her day.

When I was first lying-in with Kate, my midwife Bridget told me that it was not unusual for new mothers to go to bed at 7:00 p.m. or 7:30 p.m.. I was horrified, because I wanted to guard that time for me and my husband. But, as the same time, I felt super-humanly tired and I could see the logic to it. Rest when the baby rests I learned.

I did go to bed very, very early in those fourth-trimester days (yes, even once @ 7:30 p.m.) which helped me cope with night wakings. Having no idea that night wakings would last as long as they did (Kate was an average sleeper), I thank God that I got into the habit early of shedding my pre-baby routine and ebbing and flowing with how I was feeling that day. One day with a few too many items on the agenda, and I could be wiped out for days! And that transferred quickly to Kate who would be fussy and demanding more from me. Learning to not think too much about what I might be missing from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m., and just going to bed when I was tired, turned out to be very sensible. A bit anti-social and lonely for my husband, but nonetheless the right choice for the family.

But I think it also told a story to my daughter. I was showing her how to take care of the voice of need in her, by modeling the behaviour myself. Heaven knows I didn’t want a tired child on my hands any more than any other mother does. So I got the religion of routine for her. I was very much in charge of her consistent daily routine of feeding, sleeping and playtime. I knew I could not be successful if I didn’t know when my next meal would be or if I was going to have enough sleep to be able to cope with the day’s offerings. So I made sure there was no guess work for my daughter either. Both my kids can still reliably anticipate their meal times, play times and nap and bedtimes. Sure, it shifts here and there on weekends, but it’s pretty darn close to the same time every day. They seem to be pretty even keeled as for as behaviour goes.

Many women will have grown up with that same approach to family life — it was afterall Dr. Spock’s expert advice. It also lends itself nicely to the widely coveted “adult time”. I realize that I gave up adult time for a short stint in the early days while I laid the groundwork for a healthy bedtime routine. My kids are still not invited to adult dinner parties, we enjoy a weekly date night thanks to our reliable and wonderful caregiver and out kids keep their routine pretty much the same. They don’t expect to do adult things or be up late.

So why is it that we can see so many kids out in the evening, in restaurants which don’t cater to families or at movies? As I was leaving a movie at 6:15 p.m. with my two earlier this week, rushing to get home for a quick dinner to meet 7:30 bedtime (no bath night), I watched a 2 year old being ushered into the theater by a young Mom. My heart when out to the little person who could not have been on track to get the recommended 12-14 hours of daily sleep for her age. Where along the line did parents get the idea that kids are adept at handling life without the basic markers of age appropriate routines — eating, sleeping and exercise? Do our needs as adults for time with out kids after work trump basic human needs?

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 25th, 2007 at 10:21 am and is filed under Health, Lying-in. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.