Four year old Goth period
Behind the dresses and tights, the blonde hair and blue eyes and perfectly posed camera smile, dark thoughts bubble in my daughter’s mind — we muse about it as her Goth period.
Kate is quizzical and insightful in her exploration of the spiritual side of life. She probes about when people are likely to die and why — just this morning after wishing her Dad a warm, snuggly “Happy Birthday” in bed, she asked, “Are you going to die before Mommy?”. Happy Birthday, indeed! She has be heard inquiring with family about someone who has died and if they are feeling sad about it. Two years ago, she asked her Godfather Uncle Michael where his Mommy was. “She’s gone, just like your G.G. (deceased Great-Gram)” he replied.
“Why did she die?” she pressed. ”Because she was much older than us and sick.” he explained matter-of-factly. “Hmmm” she pondered, seeing the obvious loss for her Uncle, ”Well you can share my Mommy with me!” With that exchange, we knew that at 2 years old, Kate understood that dead meant gone for good. But she was only beginning to probe the reality.
When we were visiting a church in Cognac, France this past summer, Kate had her first lesson about getting quiet to feel a spiritual space. She’d been guided around the church by our dear friend, a knowledgeable student and teacher of spiritual life. Fran had shared with Kate and her son Jeremy stories about different Saints and how people pray to them. She showed the kids how to light a candle and say a quiet prayer for someone they loved. Kate chose her G.G. and then sat down in front of a statue of Mary. Fran suggested that the kids close their eyes and feel the space. After a few moments, Kate whispered that she was getting warm…in fact, “If you’re very, very quiet you can almost feel Jesus creeping up on you.” she shared. Oh! The magic of this little person so far from home and all things familiar, feeling a holy presence creeping up on her filled my heart with wonder and delight. This kid connects!
You can see now this has gone on now for some time. A month ago, she heard about vampires and had too many questions for her horror-adverse mother. So we called creepy Uncle Michael the horror writer at snack time and asked him on speaker phone to explain to the kids the intricacies of vampires. There was nothing creepy about this kitchen round-table. But he spared no detail about vampire life. The information was absorbed very matter of factly by Kate (2 year old Michael stuck to his yogurt). Mainly she wanted to know how to avoid vampires and was reassured to know that between the garlic in my cooking and her early bedtime, she was sitting pretty. No vampires would be interested in her.
This week, obviously stewing on her new-found knowledge, she looked up at me with a you-and-I-share-a-secret smile and asked me if I was “just joking” about the existence of vampires. She was onto me and wanted to be in on the joke. I acknowledged that vampires were indeed a creature of the imagination (for some, more present than others) and we talked for the first time about fiction. I could see the wheels turning as she entertained the line between true stories and ones told to excite and engage one’s imagination.
After two years of her Goth period, she’s revealed herself to be fascinated with death and intrigued with anything scary. But increasingly, she’s in the know about the fact vs. fiction and sees the fun in it. Last night on Halloween, after much day-light reviewing of the location, she went through a professional haunted house set up to raise money for diabetes. SHE LOVED IT. I know that when she went through the haunted house, she knew it was all put-on, but she loved it just the same. She clung onto her Dad’s hand and jumped at all the right moments. And he loved being her rock.
I believe that souls pick their parents, so perhaps Kate picked her Godfather too. He’s the perfect person to reveal the darker side of the imagination to our daughter. And I am relieved of having to brush up on horror fiction, allowing this to be a Thing between my bright eyed daughter and her Uncle Michael. It is their shared sacred space. As he instructs her education in all things scary, she lets him be the creepy Uncle he has aspired to be. A match made in….heaven?